Valentine's Day is here

Okay so not really. It's almost a month away. But I always know when Christmas is over because Woolies replaces everything ho ho ho with all manner of pink and red heart-shaped paraphernalia.

And because I work in magazines and we run to a schedule a couple months ahead of the real world, Valentine's Day started sometime around Guy Fawkes for me.

Since then however, I have come into contact with:

• An ensemble-cast movie with a storyline that goes something like: we repackaged Love Actually, set it in LA and gave Jessica Alba and Biel starring roles. And we're releasing it in time for February 14. Oh and we're calling it Valentine's Day.
• Jewellery houses all desperately trying to shift their stock of 0.25 carat diamonds as 'the perfect gift this Valentine's Day'.
• The 5FM / DStv Vuzu collaboration party, Love Sucks.
• Multiple magazine cover-lines pandering either to couples ('the perfect date' – everything V-day is also by definition perfect) or singles (Single this Valentine's Day and loving it! – sure, we believe you).

Jeepers, it's only January 19 people...

Anyway, my feelings about this Hallmark holi have always been pretty neutral. My first red rose was a thrill of course, but I've never taken it all that seriously. Neither am I of the leftist, down-with-V-Day crew who thinks the occasion was invented by greeting card and chocolate companies as a means to bleed us dry another day out of 365 and make singletons buy tubs of ice cream and cry about never finding the perfect mate.

I have been single for all but four February 14ths of my short life. It hasn't killed me, and certainly never made me break out the Gino Ginelli or feel despair at my lack of a plus-one any more particularly than I might have on any other given day. And when I was loved-up, well ... let's just say the ceremony of the day pretty much passed me by anyway. For the one February le Boyfriend actuel and I have been together, we stayed put in our respective cities and I saw a chick flick with some girlfriends.

My theory of Valentine's now goes like this:

• If it's a day both marked and driven by consumerism, who cares? What holiday isn't? What day of the whole year isn't? We're a consumerist society. Deal with it.
• If one day out the year a girl who is not usually spoiled by her dude can expect some kind of romantic gesture – a bunch of roses, a box of chocolates – is that so bad?
• If you're single and desperate not to be, why not kill yourself on March 4th rather? I hear it's going to rain.
• If your best friend's guy takes her out dancing and for a moonlit walk on the beach on the big day ... then he's gay and you have nothing to be jealous of. (Actually you do. I'd kill for a GBF. I am in the market. Please direct all inquiries to the comments section of this post. PS, yes I am stereotyping. Get over your-PC-self).