This morning I got up at the crack of dawn for gym, and nearly dived back under the duvet to go back to sleep after standing on the scale.
My highest weight ever. Again. How did I get back here?
Oh yes. Six months' worth of eating pretty much whatever I felt like, whenever I felt like it.
After some furious scrawling in my dairy along the lines of 'What the fuck is the point?' and 'Maybe I should just accept that I'll never be skinny?', I dutchman-ed up and headed for the step machine, mulling over my dismal weight situation along the way.
I think the problem is that I delude myself into thinking that I eat fairly healthily, because I live on cottage cheese, nuts and Ryvita at work. But you don't have to be Patrick Holford to realise that letting go on weekends (need I remind you of the three pizza nights?) makes all that pretty much nul and void.
I've had at least six dozen fresh starts in my life when it comes to my struggle with my weight, but driving home from gym this morning (so perhaps it was the endorphins?) I suddenly had all this clarity. Being at my highest weight might suck, but it also means that I'm exactly 10 kilos away from my ultimate goal weight now. Being somewhat OCD, numbers like that appeal to me. Plus we're nearly exactly halfway through 2011, which means I can put the first half of the year behind me, and embark on a serious mission to lose these 10 before I turn 25 on 1 January, almost another six months to the day from now.
I'm feeling very now-or-never about this all of a sudden.
But please, whatever gods of skinny are out there, make it now, and not never.
You can dooooo iiiiiiit :)
ReplyDeleteNow matter how hard it all gets,always remember this - "There is always someone fatter than you" hahahahahaha
p.s I want to lose 15kgs so you can consider me the fatter one ;)
or maybe you'll just be the super skinny one afterwards? ;)
ReplyDeleteMy willpower usually crumbles at even the thought of a croissant, or camembert and wine, or a Charley's cupcake, or a perfect risotto ... yeah, I have a food problem.
But I WILL persevere.
Thanks lady, nice to know there are other strugglers out there. I'll think of you when I reach for seconds, and remember we're in it together!
i doubt that :)
ReplyDeletemine too... trust me!! I've made a deal with myself - i WILL be super strict with myself in the week and then allow myself ONE!!!! treat on the weekends.
Its really the savoury stuff that kills me... bread, cheese, that kinda thing. So I'll be steering clear of that as much as possible.
Stay strong :)